Pakistan won the first Test by ten wickets as England collapsed to 160 all out
Good morning everyone. Well, actually that's a lie. It's not a good morning at all. It's foul and pestilent. Nevermind. Let's hunker down here and enjoy what is shaping up to be an utterly fascinating Test. Given that the team are trailing by 96 runs to take there's a curiously optimistic air about England and their fans, a resilience honed over the last 12 months and more. Most people seem to think they are still in with an even chance of winning this game. Whether they will or not is going to hinge entirely on how well they play Saeed Ajmal in the second innings, but before all that, they have to take those three final wickets.
Despite all this optimism - "game on" says Bumble, "England are back in the game," addss Marcus Trescothick, make no mistake. England have won two matches in the last 20 years after being bowled out for under 200 in the first innings. One of those was the forfeited Test at the Oval in 2006, the other their victory in the sixth Ashes Test in 1997. And apart from that freakish forfeited Test, England have never beaten Pakistan when they've been trailing by more than 34 runs in the first innings. But then, good as they are, this isn't an England team that gives much regard to such things.
106th over: Pakistan 289-7 (Akmal 24 Gul 0) Anderson finishes his interrupted over from last night, bowling three deliveries - all of which are left alone - to Umar Gul. Stuart Broad will start at the other end, and his first ball trickles away for a leg bye. He finds a little swing with his next, shaping it away from Umar Gul's bat. I've company in the office this morning, which makes a welcome change. Anyone for tennis?
WICKET! Gul 0 c Morgan b Broad (Pakistan 289-8) The Barmy Army bursts into life as Gul slices a drive straight to point. Gul lasted all of seven balls before he played a loose shot, throwing his bat at a wide delivery, giving Morgan the easiest of catches.
107th over: Pakistan 294-8 (Akmal 28 Ajmal 1) Akmal takes a single off the first ball of Anderson's over, potentially leaving Ajmal to face the rest of the over. His average is 13, Ajmal, though he has hit a Test fifty in his time. He makes a mess of his first delivery though, tangling himself up until he ends up playing the ball with the top of the handle. It flies away over Prior's head for a single. Akmal plays the first proper shot of the day, a cover drive that runs out towards the boundary for three. That takes the lead up over 100.
108th over: Pakistan 295-8 (Akmal 29 Ajmal 1) Akmal carves a short ball past slip, but Anderson dives across and intercepts the shot with his fingertips. Akmal tries again with the next delivery, hitting it harder still in the same direction, and Anderson responds with an even better piece of fielding, diving full length across the turf to cut it off. Broad ends the over with a pair of short balls that trampoline up off this spongy wicket. Akmal pulls the second of them around the corner for a single, so he'll keep the strike.
109th over: Pakistan 296-8 (Akmal 30 Ajmal 1) Does anyone have an email to send in that isn't about the rights and wrongs of Chris Tremlett's selection? Because that's all I'm hearing right now and, frankly, after the last two days I'm a little tired of talking about it. England have brought in a short leg to try and spook Ajmal, but he's not so easily scared. He knocks a single to the leg side. Anderson deliberately fires the sixth ball wide down the leg side so as to keep Ajmal on strike for the next over. Smart stuff from him.
110th over: Pakistan 302-8 (Akmal 30 Ajmal 7) A sweet shot from Ajmal to bring up Pakistan's 300. He flicks the ball away with a wristy leg-glance off the front foot, and then grins as he watches it run all the way across the outfield to the boundary rope. Broad, a little predictably, puts him back in his place by making him duck underneath a short ball. 'Bounce me once, shame on me, but bounce me twice...' Ajmal seems to think as Broad repeats the dose. This time Ajmal stands up, cocks his front leg and hooks a single down to long leg.
111th over: Pakistan 304-8 (Akmal 31 Ajmal 8) This partnership is only worth 14 so far, but it's already a little irritating. "Oh, bloody hell" says Tom Lutz, sitting to my right. It is the first time either of us have spoken since we offered each other our gruff greetings 30 minutes ago. He couldn't even muster a "bless you" when I sneezed. If you mapped out our combined brain activity right now you'd get an image that looked a little like two flies buzzing around a pair of empty vases. Honestly, with both Lutz and myself at work on these potentially-Pulitzer-prize winning live blogs this workplace is just such a dynamic and invigorating environment. It's all a little like the office scene from Brazil. (Warning: if you watch that the music will be in your head ALL DAY LONG).
112th over: Pakistan 304-8 (Akmal 31 Ajmal 8) The 112th over is a maiden, as Akmal flails and misses at a selection of short balls from Broad. Ajmal has now adopted the role of the senior player, and strolls down the pitch to give him a word or two of advice.
113th over: Pakistan 312-8 (Akmal 37 Ajmal 10) Hallelujah! An email that's not about the balance of England's bolwing attack! Thak you Phil Withall: "I'm not here to pass judgment. All I want is England to keep the lead to under 150, the batsmen to play each ball on it's merits and not throw thier wickets away and The Damned (younger readers ask your parents) to put in a stonking effort here in Brisbane tonight. Then I'll be able to sleep well." The Damned? How wholesome. Ajmal is giving Akmal a long lecture about the art of batting now, preusmably telling him to hurry up and give up the strike. Akmal flashes him a toothy grin, and then smears a pair of cuts past point. The first runs away for four, but the second is stopped short of the rope by Ravi Bopara, who is on as a sub for Andy Strauss. Ajmal, who seems to share Geoff Boycott's attitude that so long as he is facing the bowling then the match cannot be lost, insists on taking a risky single off the sixth ball so that he can face the next over.
114th over: Pakistan 314-8 (Akmal 37 Ajmal 12) There is something very ominous from England's point of view about the way Ajmal is batting here. It's not the runs he is scoring so much as the confidence with which he is playing and the contempt he has for the opposition. He looks hungry to win this match. These two have put on 25 together now, and Pakistan's lead is up to 122. Time, you'd think, fro Strauss to consider giving Swann a bowl.
115th over: Pakistan 319-8 (Akmal 42 Ajmal 12) No sooner said than done. Strauss obviously popped into the changing room so he could consult the OBO for some tactical advice. Smart man. Swann is on. Akmal unfurls an ambitious reverse sweep, easing the ball away through third man for four. A single puts Ajmal on strike - will he be able to resist having a huge yahoo?
Referral! Ajmal 12 c b Swann (Pakistan 319-8) England appeal for a bat-pad catch, and umpire Bowden raises his finger. Ajmal immediately appeals. Oh dear, the decision is going to stand but there's been a real SNAFU with the DRS here.
WICKET! Ajmal 12 c Cook b Swann (Pakistan 319-9) Ajmal is out, but only because the DRS couldn't provide any conclusive evidence to over-rule the umpire's decision. Ajmal took such a big stride that he was out of shot for the hot-spot camera, so the TV umpire couldn't use that at all. The slow-mo replays suggested that the ball hadn't actually hit his glove, so shouldn't necessarily have been out, but that doesn't count as concrete proof that Bowden got it wrong.
117th over: Pakistan 320-9 (Akmal 43 Cheema 0) "What a joke on that referral," thunders Mark T. "The ball never touched anything , the 3rd Umpire must be blind. That was just a Bowden blunder."
118th over: Pakistan 328-9 (Akmal 51 Cheema 0) Akmal squeezes a top-edge up over Anderson at slip as he tries a reverse-sweep. He repeats that shot later in the over, and this time it brings him four. When he steers two runs behind square he completes a very valuable fifty. He takes a single off the sixth ball too. The trouble with that use of the DRS was that while the technology suggested that Ajmal wasn't out, the regulations used by the umpires seemed to mean it didn't matter.
119th over: Pakistan 334-9 (Akmal 57 Cheema 0) Here's Chris Tremlett, the last man into the attack. He's never gone wicketless through a Test match innings, but it looks like he may do here. Especially if he bowls like that - a short wide ball is walloped to the cover boundary for four by Akmal. He's batted quite brilliantly in these last few overs, and again he has taken a single off the sixth ball. That's drinks.
120th over: Pakistan 338-9 (Akmal 61 Cheema 0) Pakistan now lead by 142. No. Make that 146 - Akmal drops to one knee and slaps a slog-sweep away for four. This is now his highest Test score, and the truth is, he may be winning this match for his team.
WICKET! Akmal 61 st Prior b Swann (Pakistan 338) And just in the nick of time, England get Akmal out. His marvellous, potentially match-winning, innings comes to an end as he charges at Swann, misses the ball) which faded diown the leg side) and is stumped.
So Pakistan have an intimidatingly-sized lead of 146. And yet, still, some of Sky's pundits (Marcus Trescothick and Bob Willis) seem to think England are in with a good chance of winning this match. How curious. I wonder what they're taking with their coffee and cream in the studio these days? Something strong, by the sound of what they are saying.
"Reasons to be cheerful" says Dave Langolis. Oh there are plenty of those Dave... 18-wheeler Scammels, Domenecker camels / All other mammals plus equal votes / Seeing Piccadilly, Fanny Smith and Willy / Being rather silly, and porridge oats. For instance... but anyway, go on "I suppose we should remember that England had a 140 first-innings lead in the first post 2005-Ashes test against Pakistand and still contrived to lose it. It's not insuperable - yet."
The bowling figures: Anderson 30- 7-71-2. Tremlett 21-6-53-0. Broad 31-8-84-3. Swann 29.5-3-107-4. Trott 8-2-16-1.
England are hard up against here, and anyone who tell you otherwise is a liar. Here come Cook and Strauss.
1st over: England 3-0 (Strauss 3 Cook 0) trail by 146 on first innings Umar Gul takes the first over, and he starts with a loosener that Strauss knocks away for three runs past mid-off. Gul's line os a lot straighter to Cook, who survives an LBW appeal to a ball that pitched outside leg. "Re: The Damned. John Peel once said that, much as he loved Teenage Kicks, he would spend the rest of his life trying to recreate the feeling that came from hearing the opening bars of New Rose for the first time. For younger readers imagine having no idea what a Collingwood nurdle or a Trott leg clip looked like – and there in all its pristine beauty was the shot itself." How ashamed should I be that, umm, I've never heard that song?
2nd over: England 3-0 (Strauss 3 Cook 0) trail by 146 on first innings An edge! But it lands just short of slip. Cheema is bowling some lovely stuff here in his first over, ripping the ball across the face of the bat. If he carries on bowling like this, England's openers are going to struggle. Strauss is beaten three times in the fiurst five balls. Here's Mike Selvey, clarifying that little DRS contretemps over Ajmal's wicket in an effort to head off any outrage at the pass: "the fault with the Ajmal dismissal did not lie with the third umpire but the system. He could not overturn Bowden's decision because he did not have sufficient evidence to do so." Agreed.
3rd over: England 3-0 (Strauss 3 Cook 0) trail by 146 on first innings Cook pokes and prods his way through Gul's second over. This is uncertain stuff. "I saw some stories about England not occupying the moral high ground pre-match," says Tim Maitland. "But have their been any signs that Pakistan are particularly stoked for this game because of the way the spot-fixing scandal played out in England?" I'm going to answer that with an absolute and definitive 'no', Tim. I don't think it has anything to do with it: they want to beat England because they are the world's No1 side, and because they owe them for the series defeat they suffered that summer, and because they're a proud, competitive bunch who have been playing some excellent cricket of late. But if you look at most of the players in this team I reckon you'd find a lot of them were appalled by what Butt, Amir and Asif did.
4th over: England 6-0 (Strauss 6 Cook 0) trail by 146 on first innings Strauss punches two runs through cover, then knocks a single away to the leg-side. "Good morning," says John Starbuck. "TMS have, as usual, been giving us a roller commentary. What's the OBO view on rollers?" I'd love one, John, if only I could afford one. Sadly on my salary I struggle to afford a bicycle, never mind a luxury motor.
5th over: England 6-0 (Strauss 6 Cook 0) trail by 146 on first innings Gul whistles a bouncer over Strauss' head.
Referral! Strauss 6 c Akmal b Gul (England 6-0) Strauss has gone! Or has he? Has he been caught down the leg side! He's disgusted, and is now reviewing it. Hotspot is showing nothing, but the stump mic seems to be picking up a noise as the ball passes the bat. It's all a little confusing.
WICKET! Strauss 6 c Akmal b Gul (England 6-1) Strauss isn't happy about it, but he has to go. Umpire Bowden gave him out, and the third umpire didn't feel able to overturn it on the evidence available. Hotspot suggested that he hadn't hit it, but that's obviously not enough proof for the umpire's liking.
6th over: England 8-1 (Cook 2 Trott 0) trail by 146 on first inningsAnd here's Mohammad Hafeez, bowling to Cook from around the wicket, just as he did in the first innings. He;'s a crafty so-and-so, Misbah. Cook looks a little more confident against him than he did in the first innings, and knocks two runs out to the on-side, and a single square.
7th over: England 16-1 (Cook 2 Trott 8) trail by 146 on first inningsAtherton is chewing over that Strauss dismissal. I'd say it was consistent with the way they treated Ajmal - in the absence of conclusive proof that contradicted the original decision, the umpire felt he couldn't over-turn the decision. Gul works Trott over with a short ball or two. Trott grins. He enjoys it, the masochist. Trott threads four off the edge through third man, and then whips four more through the leg side.
8th over: England 16-1 (Cook 2 Trott 8) trail by 146 on first inningsThe game is afoot. Saeed Ajmal is coming into the attack. He'll bowl around the wicket to Cook, with a slip, a gully and a short leg. Cook survives the over, but right now, that 146 looks a very long way away indeed.
And that is lunch. What an absorbing session. Adnan Akmal's 61 left England facing a defcit that was a lot heftier than they would have been hoping at the start of play (right now it stands at 130), and they've lost Strauss before their pursuit had even really started. It is going to be a fascinating afternoon. Rob will be here in 20 minutes or so to tell you all about it. Send your emails to him now please, onrob.smyth@guardian.co.uk.
LUNCH
Morning, what's the rumpus? "I'll show you the life of the mind!" screams John Goodman so memorably in Barton Fink. We'll certainly see the life of the mind in this session, as England wrestle with the demons, both real and imaginary, coming out of Saeed Ajmal's right hand. If they avoid major Ajmal agita, they may well win this match. This, it's true is a not inconsiderable 'if'. It's sessions like these that make Test cricket the best thing in the whole wide world, with the possible exception of the Hawksmoor ribeye.
Sky have just put up a fascinating table showing the averages of England's top seven against spin bowlers in Test cricket:England clearly have some excellent players of spin. Ajmal is brilliant, probably the best spinner in the world right now and possibly a genius, but he's not Warne multiplied by Qadir to the power of Murali. We used to say this all the time against McGrath and Warne, but it's vital that England play the ball and not the bowler. It's also very, very, very easy to say that while sat in an office in Kings Cross.
Strauss 42.15
Cook 67.58
Trott 137.00
Pietersen 52.76
Bell 56.61
Morgan 112.00
Prior 63.13
9th over: England 16-1 (Cook 2, Trott 8) Umar Gul continues after lunch, bowling to Jonathan Trott. He sets him up with a few deliveries wide of off stump and then angles one in, aiming for the LBW if Trott whips around his front pad. Instead he defends carefully. It's a maiden. "What do you think of the Strauss dismissal Rob," says Steve Cohen. "If technology can't be trusted, does that mean it should not be used at all." I don't think that's the case, personally. The job of DRS is not to get 100 per cent of decision correct but to improve the percentage of correct decisions, which it has certainly done. The problem with the Ajmal and Strauss decisions is in the consistency of DRS application from Test to Test. In some matches we have seen the third umpire make a decision based entirely on whether, on balance, he thinks the batsman was out; in others, like this, the third umpire has followed the official guidance that the decision should only be overturned "if it is clear to the third umpire that the batsman did not hit the ball". I don't really have a problem with the Strauss decision. We still don't know whether he hit it or not.
10th over: England 17-1 (Cook 3, Trott 8) Cheema replaces Ajmal, who had one over before lunch. Cook likes to leave seamers into submission although, as Nasser Hussain points out on Sky, that's not easy against Cheema, whose line from over the wicket to the left-hander is extremely good. Cheema then switches to over the wicket, to ensure Cook has to play, and the first ball is inside-edged for a single. Well bowled. "Are you aware that the TMS feed is down. Aggers and Vaughan are currently commentating on an iPad, via Skype," says Sam Jordinson. "Michael Vaughan: 'If the battery goes we are stuffed'. Joyous." Brilliant. We'll see that technological improvisation and raise them tomorrow when Bull does the first session on a ZX81.
11th over: England 24-1 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Cook 4, Trott 14) Trott is beaten by a superb seaming lifter from Gul, and replies classily with a decisive cover-drive for four. "As it happens, in response to Bull's quip (4th over), I know someone who has a Rolls-Royce," says John Starbuck. "It's very much a vintage model and he tells me the insurance is very low, mainly because everyone else on the road keeps well clear, because they can't afford to even touch his car. If only England batsmen could do the same in respect of Pakistan's spin bowlers. Come to think of it, insurance scams could be cricket's next scandal: what kind of premium would you pay to get a decent lead in this match?"
12th over: England 25-1 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Cook 5, Trott 14) Both seamers are bowling around the wicket to Cook, a good move designed to rip him from his arms-shouldering comfort zone. Cook misses a pull shot and is struck firmly in the breadbasket. Later in the over he pulls for a single. "Greetings from the frozen wastes of upstate NY, USA," says Mark Zip. "TMS tell us they are now broadcasting using Skype through an iPad. Can't wait to hear what Blowers thinks of this. Apparently all the radio circuits are out. Could this be related to the DRS balls-up? What if this creeping technological failure makes its way to the satellite TV? Does an unwatched and unlistened to game count? We know, after all that there are only a few people in the ground..."
WICKET! England 25-2 (Cook LBW b Gul 5) For the third time in the match, a top-order England batsman is strangled down the leg side. Gul switched back over the wicket and dug in a short ball that Cook instinctively shaped to pull. He couldn't really free his arms, however, and ended up playing a slightly tame dab-pull. The ball brushed the glove on its way to the wicketkeeper Adnan Akmal. Billy Bowden raised the finger, and Cook walked straight off without considering a review. Those are two huge bonuses for Pakistan – not just in the manner of the dismissals, but the fact they came pre-Ajmal.
12th over: England 25-2 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 14, Pietersen 0) A wicket maiden for Umar Gul. You don't need to be Steven Moffat's Sherlock to deduce that England are in big trouble here. "Another failure for Strauss," says Steve Dickens. "How long can this go on for?" A fair while yet, so long as he captains the team so magnificently. But his form is certainly a slight concern; in his last 20 Tests he averages 31.
14th over: England 25-2 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 14, Pietersen 0) The good news for England is that Aizaz Cheema has limped off the field after two balls with what appears to be a hamstring injury. The bad news is that Saeed Ajmal is going to complete the over, and presumably bed in for a long spell. His first ball brings a big shout for caught behind when Trott misses an attempted cut. Bruce Oxenford says not out, and there's no review. There are already signs that England are struggling to pick the length, as in the first innings.
WICKET! England 25-3 (Pietersen c Rehman b Gul 0) Oh Kevin. OhKevin. Pietersen has gone for a duck in miserable circumstances, hooking Gul straight to deep backward square leg. Pakistan celebrate wildly, barely able to fathom that the sucker has fallen into the trap. To call that shot brainless is an insult to morons. Still, these things happen; if he'd got off the mark with a hooked six we'd have been salivating. Never mind those brilliant averages against spin, England are falling apart against Umar Gul.
15th over: England 25-3 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 14, Bell 0) That goes down as the worst Test of Pietersen's career: two innings, two runs from 37 balls. It's doubly frustrating after such a thrilling return to form last summer. The new batsman Ian Bell avoids an even worse fate – a king pair – by leaving his first delivery. In slightly more amusing news, Bull tells me that, in the ongoing auction for the Bangladesh Premier League, one side has just bought a 15-year-old from Guernsey for $25,000. And Chris Gayle has been bought for $500,000. To play two games.
16th over: England 26-3 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 15, Bell 0) Bell pushes Ajmal onto the left boot of short leg, a technical chance at most, and the ball doesn't Waynephillips its way to another fielder. Ajmal has switched ends from the first innings, and there are early suggestions that the ball is ripping a bit more from this end (and because the pitch is two days older).
17th over: England 28-3 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 17, Bell 0) Gul continues into his ninth over, and Trott works him away for two, which takes him to 2000 Test runs. "I can confirm that this is not a good morning to ride a motorcycle across London and back (for a spell of commentary at Test Match Sofa, since you ask)," says Gary Naylor. "When England started this match they probably thought that they needed to make 400 in the first innings to set up a winning opportunity and now they need to do that in the second innings. That might be a little tougher but not much so not a huge amount has changed really. Or is that too optimistic a view?"
18th over: England 32-3 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 17, Bell 4) Abdur Rehman replaces Ajmal, who will presumably switch ends. Bell gets off the mark by skipping down the ground to drive classily over the bowler's head for four. Beautifully played. Bumble, meanwhile, is off on one about the time he played in a Test trial and was run out by "a very famous Yorkshireman". "Why is it," says Ed Rostron, "that even when England are ranked as the best team in the world, this kind of hapless, abject collapse seems all too familiar?" It's no surprise that it still feels familiar, is it? England batting collapses are more evocative than any memory box in the world.
19th over: England 33-3 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 18, Bell 4) Ajmal has switched to his preferred end. He has a slip and short leg for Trott, who sweeps a leg-stump delivery for a single. As Bumble points out on Sky, Trott is playing deep in his crease against Ajmal, whereas Bell is playing forward. He might try to use his feet at some stage. He usually does against spinners, even Warne back in the day, although with Ajmal spinning it both ways the risk is greater.
20th over: England 35-3 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 20, Bell 4) Rehman almost skids one through Trott, who goes back when he should be forward and ends up jabbing it into the ground at the last minute. A Sky table shows us that only three Englishman have got to 2000 Test runs in fewer innings: Herbert Sutcliffe, Denis Compton and Wally Hammond. He is keeping some seriously good company. "Every ball of this match has enhanced Tim Bresnan's reputation," says Gary Naylor. "Who would have thought a couple of years ago that he would become a linchpin of the batting and bowling?" That's overstating it a touch of course but, yes, he is pure gold, especially in Asia. And England. And Australia. His Test averages are outrageous: 45.42 and 23.60.
WICKET! England 35-4 (Bell LBW b Ajmal 4) Oh yes yes yes. This is magical bowling! Bell is pinned in front by a quite wonderful doosra from Ajmal – but he has decided to review the decision. It's a stupid review, because he is absolutely plumb. He was squared up and hit on the back pad. That means that England have no reviews left, and Ian Bell, probably the best batsman in the world last year, has been hoodwinked twice by the doosra.
REVIEW! England 36-4 (Trott LBW not out 3) Another LBW appeal, this time against Trott. Billy Bowden says not out but Misbah, after a 15-second consultation, decides to go for the review. It was definitely pad first, but it looks like it might be have been sliding down the leg side. Indeed it was, and Trott survives.
21th over: England 36-4 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 20, Morgan 1) What a game Test cricket is. In the last Test England played, Bell and Pietersen scored 410 runs in two innings. In this game they have made six in four. An average of 205 has dropped to 1.5.
22nd over: England 42-4 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 21, Morgan 2) Morgan misses a defensive push at a ball from Rehman that deflects off Akmal's gloves for four. "I got utterly soaked (like Mr Naylor I presume) on the way to work in Bank today, to be point where both my socks and *ahem* undergarments were wet through," says Guy Hornsby. "It's reassuring that England have ensured this isn't the worst thing to happen to me this morning. Are they trying to get an extra day's sunbathing in or something? With Bell out, this is surely as good as over. I'm not even sure that's an attempt at reverse psychology either. It's just fatalism. Hope has left the building." They might get two extra days in at this rate. If you told me on Monday that I might get Friday and Saturday off, I'd have done this (token warning: clip contains big boys' language).
23rd over: England 42-4 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 21, Morgan 2) A maiden from Ajmal. I don't know what to say. It feels like someone has been messing with the space/time continuum. "Ahhh, the loving, warm arms of an innings defeat," says Alex Stenhouse. "I've missed you so." I'm afraid that's hopelessly premature. It's entirely conceivable that England could pull off a ten-wicekt defeat here.
24th over: England 42-4 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 21, Morgan 2) A big LBW appeal against Rehman, who pads up to a full, widish delivery from Rehman. There were issues over line and height, and Bruce Oxenford said not out. Replays showed it was bouncing over. "What do those spin averages actually mean?" says Ali Korotana. "How are they complied? The number of runs against spinners divided by the number of times they have been out to spinners? How do we know that that they are mostly just runs compiled against part-time spinners? It would be interesting to see their averages against quality, full-time spinners. It would also be interesting to see their averages against Pakistan - the one side of late who seem to be able to bow to England. I seem to remember that they were let down by their batting the summer before last, but that they ran through our top order a number of times. Stuart Broad's double century (not a freak event but I see Broad as more of a provider of substantial lower order runs, not regular match winning innings) helps us to forget that he came in at 102-7 in that innings - and many other lower order performances saved England in that series." Yep, they are runs against all spinners, from Saeed Ajmal to Simon Katich. And it's a very fair point about the summer of 2010. The two big differences are that they largely struggled against fast bowling back then, and conditions were often extremely tough for batting.
25th over: England 45-4 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 24, Morgan 2) So, anyway know if there's any good daytime TV on Friday? "Are things really so bad that OBO have decided to not rota in an evening session shift today?" says Andy Singleton, cutting and pasting the bit that says 'Andy Bull (morning session) and Rob Smyth (afternoon session)'. We don't like to publicise the imminent torture of staff.
26th over: England 50-4 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 24, Morgan 6) Rehman tosses one up outside off stump, and Morgan slams a supreme extra-cover drive for four. "Now that England will almost certainly lose this match – and judging by this batting performance, also the series – perhaps we can reflect on some of the things that they need to change," says Sesh. "I think the first glaring weak point is Strauss: whatever the merits of his captaincy, his batting has been letting the side down. Unless he can put together some big scores England seriously need to consider another opener soon. Overall, the batting against spin is terrible: weak half-forward prods alternating with mindless slogs and paddle-sweeps. Morgan is supposedly the best player of spin in the team, but he looked out of his depth in the first innings, getting into tangles trying to play silly pre-meditated sweep shots. And on slow pitches the attack needs the pace and fuller length of Finn more than the seam movement of Tremlett." I don't know about that. This has been a very poor batting performance, but England have earned the right to have a shocker. No need to panic. Yet.
28th over: England 56-4 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 31, Morgan 6) Trott leans back and bunts a four through the on-side. Right now it feels like he's playing a different game to the rest of the top six. Morgan emphasises that exact point by edging the ball just past short leg a moment later.
29th over: England 64-4 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 39, Morgan 6) Ajmal goes around the wicket to Trott, who leans forward and drives exquisitely down the ground for four. He is playing masterfully, and demonstrated that by making it consecutive boundaries with a lovely clip wide of mid-on. "I've actually given up watching this now and started doing some work, I've got that depressed," says Piers Barclay. "I'm sure our collapses used to have an element of Monty Python about them, but now it's just sad. Hope you enjoy your days off."
30th over: England 67-4 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 40, Morgan 8) Rehman, as Ramiz Raja says on Sky, is a good foil for Ajmal,the Edmonds to his Emburey the straight man who keeps it very tight and picks up the odd wicket. His economy rate in Tests is 2.56. "To answer Ed Rostron, I think there's a couple of reasons why batting collapses seem so frequent at the moment – and not just England," says Duncan Bonnett. "Australia, South Africa, India and Sri Lanka have all had woeful displays in the last few months. First, the sheer volume of cricket must be mentally tiring when you're trying to build large scores. Added to this is the volume of meaningless pyjama cricket that demands a stroke a ball and hence risk-taking, so batsmen are no longer mentally attuned to grinding it out for long periods, day in and out, series in and out, season in and out. By a quirk of fate, the last year or so has also seen the emergence of a whole generation of new bowlers that batsmen are not used to, and as such, are getting out to. Combined, I think this partly explains the (insert appropriate collective noun) of batting collapses seen recently."
31st over: England 68-4 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 40, Morgan 9) Aizaz Cheema has come back into the attack, so his hamstring strain can't be too bad. I assume that's with Morgan in mind, such is Cheema's excellent line to the left-handers and Morgan's propensity to get in trouble just outside off stump. The third ball is too straight, and Morgan steals a single to midwicket. "Any rain about?" honks DJ Crowther, who is here all week. In other news, here's a new instalment of our World Cricket Forum, the place where you can demand Andy Flower's sacking/discuss this fascinating Test match.
32nd over: England 72-4 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 40, Morgan 13) Morgan survives a daft appeal for LBW from Rehman and then steers a clever boundary to third man. There are ten minutes or so until tea. "Continuing on the theme from my previous comment, Strauss averages 31.70 from his last 20 Tests, and less than 30 from his last 10," says Sesh Nadathur. "Irrespective of the result of this Test, or even this series, a team aspiring to hold on to their world number one ranking can't afford to carry an opening batsman with those numbers for long." What about Mark Taylor? I agree his form is a concern, but we're nowhere near the position Australia were in at Edgbaston in 1997.
33rd over: England 74-4 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 41, Morgan 14) Cheema continues to probe Morgan's fourth stump. When he drops one short, Morgan pulls crisply but only for a single. "Without wishing to incur Lord Michael Selvey's ire, surely it's worth tweaking the bowling attack for the next Test?" says Tom Rothery. "Monty would definitely have done better that Tremlett's return of 53-0 off 21 overs in the first innings. Why do England have such objections about playing him?" Because he's a better bowler? It does seem strange to focus on the bowling after this match. Like berating a dog for not eating the last crumb of its Bonio and ignoring the fact it has just left a permanent stain on your favourite rug, the one that really ties the room together.
WICKET! England 74-5 (Morgan c Akmal b Rehman 14) What a beauty from Abdur Rehman! The ball had been turning into Morgan out of the rough, but that one skidded on with the arm and found the thinnest of edges as Morgan pushed defensively off the back foot. Adnan Akmal took a smart catch standing up. It might have been just a delivery that didn't turn as much as it logically should have done, I suppose. It was certainly another English misjudgement of length; the ball was fairly full and Morgan should have been forward.
34th over: England 74-5 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 41, Prior 0) Prior leaves a ball from Rehman that misses the off stump by very little. "I'd just like to tell Duncan Bonnett that the collective noun is a snafu of batting collapses," says Steve Hudson. "This compares to a fubb of Test defeats and a fubar of whitewashes. The last fubar I can recall was England home and away to the West Indies in the mid-Eighties, although India may well soon record the first fubar of the new Millenium."
35th over: England 75-5 (trailed by 146 on first innings; Trott 42, Prior 0) That's tea, and the end of a humbling session in which they lost four wickets, the match and maybe the series. On the plus side, they will still be No1 in the world even if they lose this series 3-0. Although if South Africa then win 3-0 in the three-Test series away to New Zealand, they would go top. Andy Bull will be with you for the evening session, so send your emails to him now please on andy.bull@guardian.co.uk. I'll leave the last word to Mike Selvey: "Monty would definitely have done better? Not even might have done, or perhaps. Definitely. And England have an objection to playing Monty? An objection? Extraordinary thing to say. Might as well say they have an objection to picking Finn. They might well rethink their attack but the current one performed heroically in my view and is the least of their worries."
TEA
Down and out in Dubai. It's been a grim day to be an England fan, no doubt a few of you old OBO fans are taking a perverse pleasure in that. It's not all been bad for English cricket today. Over in glamorous environs of the Ballroom of the Radisson Blu Water Garden Hotel in Dhaka six men in suits have been conducting the player auction for the Bangladesh Premier Twenty20 League. And there's been good news for one English player, Weston-Super-Mare's finest all-rounder Peter Trego has been bought for $75,000 by Sylhet. Oh, cricket.
It gets worse - we're getting sympathy from the Aussies. "What a Test!" says Michael Gaff. I suppose it has been, yes, though what a thrashing might be a more appropriate description. "You have to lay the boots into the two batting performances. Is woeful an appropriate word? As an Aussie, I have caught myself on a few occasions supporting you. I know that is wrong, damn you my English wife! Hang on sec while I give myself a stern talking to. Enjoy the hammering and suffer. Now that feels much better."
All those expats who have tickets for tomorrow's play must be delighted. Here's one of them, Sarah Jane Bacon: "Having looked forward – like so many expats – to a grand day out tomorrow, it now appears too grim for words. And I'll just bet that should play be wrapped up today, we won't see a dirham back from the Powers That Be of our eye-watering spend of 700dhs a ticket [all other reasonable and reasonably-priced seats were sold out weeks ago. Allegedly.]. Thank goodness I have the Oz v India Fourth Test on the horizon. PS. We live about a mile – as the crow flies – from the ground, but what with roadworks and the vagaries of Dubai Taxis, it generally takes about 40 minutes to get there. Just to put Lord Selvey's travel nightmare from yesterday into perspective."
What odds rain in Dubai? Is there any point us all putting our hands together and praying?
So, England trail by 71, and have five wickets left. Here come the players...
36th over: England 78-5 (Trott 44 Prior 1) Trott takes a single off the first ball of the session, which is being bowled by Rehman. "While I suspect this test may be gone," begins Paul Roberts, with impressive understatement, "I'm not convinced yet that the whole series is over. One of the most impressive things about England's rise over recent years has been their bouncebackability from poor performances - Perth last year, Headingley 2009 and, admittedly under slightly different circumstances, the Oval 2010. While obviously pitches and conditions are unlikely to change much for the next test, hopefully England's performance will. We just now need Strauss to shrug and announce 'this is no time to panic'." Well, yes, there are two games to play so it would be a little odd to start talking about the series being over. And under Flower, when England have lost they always lost badly.
37th over: England 81-5 (Trott 47 Prior 1) Umar Gul opens the attack from the other end. Trott taps a shortish ball away off his hip for three. Also snapped up in this morning's BPL auction, by the way, were Darren Stevens, Gary Keedy, and Joss Buttler. A stellar selection of county stalwarts, no? "What has brought a smile to my face is that the Mighty Trego is apparently worth three times more than Darren Stevens and 75,000 more than Pedro Collins," says Ian Burch. Indeed. And Shahid Afridi is worth 24 Darren Stevens. If he got out the right side of bed I would actually back Afridi to beat a team of 24 Darren Stevens. It'd be like one of those 19th century matches when England XIs would take on 16 Men of Surrey or the like.
38th over: England 83-5 (Trott 49 Prior 1) Rehman continues. It's incredible what 12 months of success can do to a man's head. Just look at this from David Morton: "This England team has given us so much over the last few years, I think they deserve us retaining some element of hope. We've got Trott and Prior at the crease - two of the most in form batsman in the world over the last couple of years. If they get to parity and push on - maybe get a hundred partnership. The last wickets add useful runs as they have done consistently, we might be looking at a 100-150 run lead. Jimmy, Broad and Swann bowling at their best can destroy a team for less." Stop smirking at the back.
39th over: England 84-5 (Trott 49 Prior 2) Gul is bowling some lovely stuff here, and beats Prior outside off stump. In the absence of rain alternative suggestions of things to pray for include a sandstorm (from Sean Clayton) and better yet "a late emerging Dubai Arab spring, which inexplicably centres on the Dubai International Cricket Stadium?" How about a plague of locusts? Or if it started raining frogs? Would play stop for the rapture, do we think? Or does cricket continue regardless like the banquet at the end of Carry On Up the Khyber?
40th over: England 85-5 (Trott 49 Prior 3) Saeed Ajmal is back into the attack now, bowling from over the wicket to Prior. When Trott comes back, Ajmal beats him all ends up with a ripping off break that turns six inches or so. Akmal appeals, but the ball moved so much it would have missed the wicket. Or so it seems. And then Hawkeye shows that it would actually have hit leg stump, and Trott was, in fact, stone dead LBW. Pakistan could have, should have, pushed that a lot more. If Ajmal had asked for a review he would have got his man. The Barmy Army, by the way, have fallen conspicuously silent. "I am among the expats until recently looking forward to a Friday jolly to the stadium, with a friend flying in for one day for the pleasure as well," mopes Michael Hunt. "I'm currently trying to work out any possible situation where tomorrow isn't just horrible. The best possible case scenario is Anderson smacks a six (which I catch) to win the match off the last ball. The second best dream-like scenario is Trott plays a full 4 more sessions of his purest and ugliest defensive cricket, and we watch every dot-ball. That is literally the second best dream-like scenario and would still bring me to tears. Again; is there any possible way tomorrow cannot be horrible?"
41st over: England 87-5 (Trott 49 Prior 4) Disconcertingly, Smyth has just cracked open a packet of gourmet Sea Salt and Cider Vinegar crisps. In the last five years I've only ever seen him gobble Pickled Onion Monster Munch. The guardian has finally got to him. "David Morton's comment, 'Jimmy, Broad and Swann bowling at their best can destroy a team for less'," writes Paddy Blewer, "Is entirely true. If we're talking about Lords in early June, under heavy skies. Possibly not in Dubai on a dead wicket."
WICKET! Trott 49 c Akmal b Gul (England 87-6) That is an awful to get out. Trott swings wildly at a wide delivery and slices a catch off the top-edge through to the 'keeper. What a way to go after batting with such determination for 111 balls. This might be an apposite moment to publish Luciano Howard's email from a minute or so ago: "Jonathan Trott is amazing. He is a man amongst men in this team. Fabulous player. Absolute rock."
41st over: England 87-6 (Prior 4, Broad 0) "Surely the only chance now," says Mark Jones, "is someone ripping up the pitch to build a luxury hotel or a condo for retired Manchester United footballers?"
42nd over: England 87-6 (Prior 4, Broad 0) Here's Dan Smith, a man who misery seems to bring the best out of: "I think the usefulness of a Rapture depends on the relative numbers of the devout on each team. I feel certain England will be left with at least Graeme Swann and Matt Prior on the pitch so I say go for it."
WICKET! Prior 4 lbw Ajmal (England 87-7) Prior is bamboozled by an off-break that beats the bat and hits him flush in front of middle stump. Like so many of his teammates, he totally failed to pick the length, and went back to a delivery that was a lot fuller than he thought. "Ooo, it's looking pretty ominous at the moment, isn't it?" utters Marcus Trescothick. Bless him. Ominous is one word you could use for it, yes.
42nd over: England 87-7 (Broad 0 Swann 0) Sigh. Here's Robert Marriott, who must be one of the few people in the world who understands how Milo Minderbinder is able to make a profit by buying eggs for seven cents and selling them for five. "I've been thinking. We hammered India, yes? And we hammered Australia. But Australia are thrashing India, yet South Africa couldn't beat India at home, although they did beat Sri Lanka. The only logical conclusion, therefore, is that Pakistan are by far and away the best side in the world, and if we can go on to avoid an innings defeat, we're actually doing really well. Like in the olden days, when losing narrowly to the West Indies was almost as good as a win."
43rd over: England 87-7 (Broad 0 Swann 0) As if you weren't feeling cheery enough already, Smyth has dug up a stat for you: "England have lost the seven of the last eight Test series in which they've gone 1-0 down (though only one was under flower, when hew was part-time coach)."
43rd over: England 87-7 (Broad 0 Swann 0) Scratch that. It looked like a wicket - Umar Gul's fifth - but the umpire decided to check and see if it was a no ball. It was, so Swann has to trudge back to the middle from the boundary's edge, and Gul has to call off his celebrations. "There really is only one way for England to get out of this hole," reckons Seth Levine, "They need to borrow a play from the bumper handbook of international diplomacy. Simply fail to recognise the first three days' play. You know, the way countries refuse to recognise say, Burkina Faso (although the cricketing equivalent of pointing at a map and screaming "look, it's right there, next to Benin" may be equally overwhelming when Wisden publishes the score-card)."
44th over: England 87-7 (Broad 0 Swann 0) Broad tries to thump a drive down the ground, but mistimes it and the ball bobbles along to mid-off. "I can see the outraged headlines already," says Mike Jakeman, who evidently has the gift of precognition. "All about England picking the wrong team or getting complacent. I think both of these are nonsense. The truth is a bit more mundane - preparation. Two (?) three-day matches is no way to prepare for a subcontinental tour when you have a team that is relatively inexperienced at playing away against South Asian teams. Some of the diabolical decision-making betrays a simple lack of time out in the middle. And some decent bowling." There is some truth in that. England's last Test was in August.
45th over: England 97-7 (Broad 0 Swann 8) Swann hits a drive on the up through cover, then latches on to another, fuller ball, and bashes it back down the ground to the long-off boundary. "Obviously it is too early to contemplate changing the batting lineup," begins Antony Rowlinson, before then going on to spend the rest of his email doing exactly that. I couldn't agree more Antony, which is why everything else you write is being cut.
46th over: England 97-7 (Broad 0 Swann 8) David Morton, he of the unfounded optimism, has come around to our OBO groupthink: "I throw the towel in now; they're rubbish." Oh, I don't know David. They're only 49 behind. Swann has a top Test score of 84, Broad 169. Anderson can hold an end up. If they can just make three fifties between them... As a kid I basically spent all my cricket-wathcing time applying this kind of logic to the various disastrous scenarios England found themselves in.
Referral! Broad 1 lbw Ajmal (England 100-7) The ball was going over the top, so Broad bats on.
47th over: England 110-7 (Broad 11 Swann 10) Broad heaves a drive over cover, breaking his bat in the process. He has a new one brought out from the dressing room, and then launches another lofted drive down the ground. Later in the over he slashes a top-edge over the 'keeper's head for four more. Memories of Headingley 2009 here, when Broad and Swann smashed 108 against Australia in a game that was already long-since lost. "Your correspondent may have a point about warm up matches but who does he suggest they play?" writes Mike Selvey. "They had enough trouble finding two sides for the games they did play."
48th over: England 112-7 (Broad 12 Swann 13) England now trail by 36, so they're oh so close to achieving a moral victory by making Pakistan bat again. Ah, the moral victory. Is there a more pointless conceopt in sport? I suspect not. "Who could they play in warm-ups?" asks Angus Doulton. "They could have played a six-a-side top half of the order v bottom half. Who do you think would have won?" I like that idea, Angus. Skins v Shirts. The bottom half of the order would have given the top-half an absolute drubbing. Sara Torvalds might have a slightly more sensible idea: "I think England should play England A in a warmup game. Possibly not all the time, but after a long break like this. That gives them plenty of cover + a real chance for the Lions guys to try to break into the Test team."
49th over: England 120-7 (Broad 15 Swann 16) Here's a gallery of the lowlights of today's play, just in case you're not feeling it enough already. "You people are actually enjoying this, aren't you?" demands a sickened Erik Petersen. "I don't know why I didn't see this earlier. I put all this time and effort into being stressed at work over an awful England cricket performance, and you lunatics don't even care. I, who didn't live in your country in the 1990s, am sitting here frantically coming up with second Test scenarios involving James Taylor, and you people are just happily basking in the glow of your childhood and teenage years."
50th over: England 125-7 (Broad 15 Swann 21) "Can I be the token gloating Aussie?" asks James Pennington. No. No you can't. But thanks for asking. Swann slaps a pull away through mid-wicket for four, the innings is ambling on, a little pointlessly truth be told.
51st over: England 128-7 (Broad 15 Swann 21) Here's 1890s throwback Professor Charles Hart, OBE: "One of the reasons I prefer supporting Sri Lanka is that it avoids the jingoism of a home country fan. Plus the fact that through talent a small 6 million population can beat populous ones. My point is: recognize the talent of both teams and in the Corinthian spirit of old, may the best team win. Pakistan is by far the best team in this first test match, so England supporters should give up their masochistic wallowing, and convince themselves that there is no shame in losing to a better team." Oh indeed, old stick, I don't think anyone is disputing that, rather we're just watching with our tongues in our cheeks, that too is just another way of finding satisfaction in following a team who are being defeated. There is no shame, to be sure, Pakistan have been outstanding.
52nd over: England 135-7 (Broad 17 Swann 29) Six! Swann clobbers a slog-sweep away over cow corner. "England's performance here after a long lay-off is not unlike that of the SA batting line-up when they faced the Aussies in Cape Town and the Wanderers after playing no international cricket since the World Cup," muses Charles De Vries. "The SA side didn't even play any warm-up games bar the T20 and ODIs that preceded the 2 match test series. Seems like poor planning is a global disease."
WICKET! Broad 17 c Shafiq b Rehman (England 135-8) Broad is caught in the deep.
WICKET! Tremlett c Hafeez b Rehman (England 135-9) A golden duck for Tremlett completes a pretty sorry match for him. He was well caught at slip here, Hafeez pouncing on a sharp chance off the edge. Rehman is a lovely bowler, and he and Ajmal make quite a pair as an offie and a slow-left-armer.
52nd over: England 135-9 (Swann 29 Anderson 0) Anderson just,just survives the hat trick ball. It was quicker and flatter and spat straight on past the off-stump.
53rd over: England 139-9 (Swann 30 Anderson 3) "I've got the android app on my phone and the scrolling works really well," writes Alistair M. "I like to scroll down as fast as I can and see if I can stop it on the 41st over. I'm getting quite good. It's more fun than reading about England getting hammered anyway." Oh good. I'm pleased that the thousands and thousands of carefully crafted words we're writing are being put to such good use, Alistair. It makes the 5am starts feel so worthwhile.
54th over: England 140-9 (Swann 30 Anderson 4) Sanjiv Johal has something to say to all the English fans reading: "This is a positive result if it engenders a humility amongst England fans. The general gracelessness that has accompanied the team's deserved ascent to the summit has left a bitter taste in the mouth." *Dons tin hat, ducks underneath table*.
55th over: England 141-9 (Swann 30 Anderson 4) England need five more runs to make Pakistan bat again. Gul is within a inch or so of his fifth wicket, as he beats Swann with an in-dipper similar to the one that almost did for him half an hour or so ago. But the ball was probably just going to pass over the top of the stumps, so he survives and the match dawdles on a little longer.
56th over: England 141-9 (Swann 30 Anderson 4) Here's an eloquent riposte to Sanjiv (over 54) from Guy Hornsby: "I can't speak for every fan, but our ascent to the top spot has been oddly recieved by many, who feel, like me, in some sort of otherwordly ether, scarcely able to believe that, after decades of torment, we're actually this good. And that's not a slight to the team, the coaching staff or ECB, it's just the inbuilt fatalistic attitude to our team's progress against all comers. I think graceless is unfair in the extreme. Apart from the casual, beer-swilling St-George flag-waving England fan that often latches onto any good England team, the majority of us are enjoying it, but with raised eyebrows and the faint pessimism that we've grown to love." You're far too polite, Guy. I imagine Mike Selvey would have been a lot less self-restrained if I hadn't censored what Sanjiv had to say about his reaction to England's ascent.
57th over: England 151-9 (Swann 39 Anderson 6) Swann slices a top-edge over the slips, and as the ball has run away for four we're all going to have to stay a little later and longer, because Pakistan have to bat again. Swann collars the next ball, pulling it to mid-wicket for four. This is now his best Test score since he made 85 against South Africa over two years ago.
58th over: England 159-9 (Swann 39 Anderson 14) Anderson drops onto one knee and slots six over backward square leg. It's only his second six in Test cricket, and the last of them, oddly enough, was in the very same innings that Swann scored that 85, at Centurion back in December 2009.
WICKET! Swann 39 c Shafiq b Ajmal (England 160) Ajmal has his tenth wicket in the match, he collapses to the ground and kisses the floor in celebration. Pakistan need 15 runs to win, and they're already celebrating. These images are going to be pretty poignant when they are bowled out for 12.
That was as bad a display of batting as England have produced since Flower became the head coach on a permanent basis, after the tour to the West Indies in 2009.
This email from Harkarn Sumal isn't particularly relevant to anything, but I like it so I'm going to print it anyway. "It seems that if you put enough Akmal brothers into cricket whites one of them will eventually turn out to be an excellent and reliable cricketer. Right, I'm off to organise my thousand monkeys / thousand typewriters combo, and to cancel my Amazon order for the complete works of Shakespeare."
"As depressing as the result is for an English supporter," writes Peter Davies. "The world is very much a better place with a Pakistan team playing with such an attractive combination of flair and focus. Their fans have had a lot to deal with recently, so hats off all round." Well said that man. Misbah, Ajmal, Umar Gul, Mohammad Hafeez, Adnan Akmal, Abdur Rehman - there is a lot of talent in this team, but more importantly a lot of character too.
1st over: Pakistan 7-0 (Hafeez 7 Taufeeq 0) need 15 runs to winHafeez leaves Anderson's first three balls wwell alone, causing Smyth to dsinitegrate into giggles at the idea 'they are playing for the close'. He's very keen for me to be back in here at 5.45am tomorrow morning. He leaves the fourth too. He is almost caught off the fifth, which shoots off the edge of the bat. But the ball beats slip and runs away for four. The sixth is dipatched through cover off the back foot for three more.
2nd over: Pakistan 7-0 (Hafeez 7 Taufeeq 0) need 15 runs to winBroad starts at the other end. I wonder whether Tremlett will play in the next match? It'd be a bold pick if he does, though hardly out of line with the way England have done things in the past. Graham Onions, Steve Finn and, of course, Monty Panesar are all available to replace him. Here's Harkarn Sumal again: "As for our "graceless ascent to the summit", (© Sanjiv Johal 2012), your correspondent just doesn't grasp the English psyche. Our unrestrained glee and song/dance routines of late are merely an extension of the way we behave when the sun comes out for a week, or we get a foot of snow, or the Satsuma in the lunchbox isn't really bitter. It's just a flabbergasted over-reaction which we know we need to make the most of before the world tilts back to "as you were mode", all the fun gets put away and we resign ourselves to making do / tootling along / hunting vainly for silver linings. You know, like when India win the one-day world cup once every couple of decades. Harrumph, harrumph."
3rd over: Pakistan 7-0 (Hafeez 7 Taufeeq 0) need 15 runs to winIt's a second consecutive maiden, a fact which is either very amusing or very frustrating, depending on whether or not you are due to cover the first session on the OBO tomorrow.
4th over: Pakistan 11-0 (Hafeez 11 Taufeeq 0) need 15 runs to winHafeez steers four through the off side and, two balls later hits four more through mid-wicket. Pakistan have won the match by ten wickets, and lead the series 1-0.
Well, that was a drubbing. Whichever way you cut it, England were utterly outplayed in every aspect of the game: out-bowled, out-batted, out-thought and out-fought. Well played Pakistan.
I'll linger a little longer to bring you some of the post-match reaction. There won't be a prize for guessing who the Man of the Match is going to be. England, as we have said, tend to come back very strongly from defeats. They've six days to stew on this match and get ready for the next, and in that time no doubt there'll be a lot of debate about the shape and state of their team.
"How "out-bowled"?" asks Martin Hancock. "I thought the story was that our batsmen got themselves out, but we bowled pretty well." So we did, but not nearly so well as Pakistan.
Mohammad Hafeez is picking up an assortment of oversize cheques - three of them, no less - from various man in suits, each for $500. One for hitting the most sixes, one for hitting the most fours, and another, unspecified prize called the "sweet and salty award". There is also an award for the performance of the day - Umar Gul - and another one, again unspecified, for Saeed Ajmal. Oh, cricket.
Saeed Ajmal is the man of the match. And after a quick word from him, here comes Andy Strauss: "We're diappointed with the way we played, losing five wickets in the first session put us on the back foot and then we were always behind in the game. But we're not going to pres the panic button ... I thought our bowlers did a pretty good job, I wouldn't fault them at all. But in both innings our batsmen needed to do better ... we just didn't react well enough to the conditions here .. all credit to Pakistan yadda yadda no excuses yadda."
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